whats in store for me

Has anybody felt like they are destened to be alone all their life. I am fealing that right now. while i have been in the army, i have been forced to put my life at home on hold; or my conection to home. Everything changes and grows, people that i want to be with find somebody else to be with. All my hopes of finding happyness dissappears and i cant do anything about it. i feel like my life will forever be a shadow on this world; nothing more. I am 21 and i have yet to have a girl be interrested in me. no pruff of finding my peace. i am tormented daylly and i have nothing to hold on to and i have nothing to be proud about. i do not see love being able to save me, maybe pitty, but nothing else.

my new roommate

my new roommate is a dick(sorry). he just got permoted to specialist and he thinks he now has all this power. also the night he got permoted he got a DUI. I just cant wait for him to tell me to stand at peraid rest for him, im gonna through it back at his face faster than lightning. he has these "high standards" for our room so he has tried several time to clean up all of tha messes that his stuff creates. such as, we have a merror in our room and he has one of those soap trays that sticks to it, some sort of deposits stick to the mirror and he told me to clean it up. without saying a ward i left for my car the rest of the day. because of his childish ambishion such as listening to rap(pah) at 50 decebles while whatching the simpsons and talking to moltiple peaple over the net and his phone late into the night, I have slept in my car twice and he says that it is concidered bitching. IM sorry peggy but i will edit this as best i can. HOW THE F&^&%* IS GOING TO MY CAR SO I CAN SLEEP WHILE HE DOES WHAT EVER HE WANTS IN THE ROOM BITCHING!!!!!!!! any remarcks?

new things

well I got moved to another room. My new roommate is christian but he has his human nature. He also has the internet so now I can use the net as well. The room we are in is a sgt's room so it is much bigger than the others. does anybody know of any websites where you can downloud those really old computer games that came with the comps back then for free. oh well. anyways it still sucks to be here and the temp out side is climing fast. They have had me take two pt test since I got off my profile on the 19 of march. Sadlly I have failed both of them:} the first was the week after my profile ended so it was a diognostick- didnt count against me- and the second was today and I have moltiple blisters on my feet form an 8.5 mile ruck march. By the way, I havent rucked since october of last year. other than that, I am thinking of buying a digital camra so I can send some pics with these blogs. thats all fokes so see ya.

Woops

Sorry about that guys I was kind of tied up for a while. My squad leader gave me councilling for something and he gave me an essay to do that might get seen by the first Sgt. Its a biggie. But about that plan; if I recieve three to four bad counceling statements on such a thing as the PT test, they will chapter me out. Well of course by now I have yet another plan that I have developed through this group therapy thing that I am going to in regards to depression. Most of you that know me also know how adequit I am with doing stupid things so please dont ask what I did and just tally another one under my long count of stupid things. PLEASE! Anyways this plan goes into that of Army regulation chapters that involve such seperations from the army as pregnancy, alcohol/drug abuse, or homosexual conduct (which I have no plans of comitting in my entire life. My new plan involves an entry level seperation. If you want to know about this more theroughly look up the Army Regulations 635-200. It is an uncharactorized discharge so it shouldnt do any damage to my job opertunities. I still have to research more on it so please pray that this works so I can get home and be able to work more exclusively on my relationship with God.

Spiritual Boot Camp

Youre right Dave, it is my choice; but the choices I have to chose from are to eather stand and be influenced to do bad things(which has already happened in that I actually spent money on something that dirties the soul) or to try and get back to the place where there are actually good influences. If you have knowen me for over six months and we have hung out multiple times, you know how easily influenced I am; from other people not to other people. These blogs dont help me that much because I need a persons presence to see what they're like and how to live a good life. When I came to this "morality boot camp" I came with a weak relationship with God. Ask Ben how I felt about it. I wasnt ready for this spiritually and now I am basically doing a nose dive into a sinful world. Brandon, if you think your so bad ass why dont you join the army, I met someone that was 35 that just joined in basic, Im sure theyed love to take you. The thing is Bigger B, I actually ACTUALLY want a better relationship with God and I am willing to through my financial future into the gutter to save what I have left. Brandon, when was the last time you went to church for a month straight, and dont use that "wherever there is a group God is there" BS because you need someone that can process the Word into something you can relate things with. You may say you wary about your relationship with God but your lack of commiting to learning how God can influence peoples lives proves otherwise. I know God wants me to rely on Him in my life I dont need Him to take care of my livelyhood right now so I wont rely on Him. To get me to do such things I need to be forced, Mom and Dad should know this. The army is for certain people with spiritual relationships; those that are stronge and well implaced or those that have none. I am not appart of these categories. I have a weak spiritual relationship and I am being torn apart. Being pulled toured the strong sin while febally trying to walk down a lightened narrow path. Basic was the hardist part of the army phisically, but the spiritual challenges are all of our lives and I wasnt strong enough to leave the house that has raised me.